A Lifetime Spent Hiding Autism Evolves Into a Future of Embracing Differences

Source: BBC

Eloise Stark was diagnosed with autism at the age of 27 years old. Prior to her relatively late diagnosis, Stark had been attempting to hide her symptoms her entire life. “I was really badly bullied. Someone spat on me once, while others would react by getting angry, I would respond by saying ‘that's a violation of the criminal behavior act’ or something like that. It was not how people would expect you to react.” Stark shared with BBC.

Stark felt isolated and lonely for many years of her life. She expressed desperately wanting to be a part of a primary school clique, but found interacting with her peers to be extremely challenging. When schoolboys played alone they were often seen as cool or independent, whereas girls were classified as weird or anti-social. Standing out as a teenager was not something Stark was prepared to do, trying her best to adapt to her surroundings.

“I learned from an early age that you are expected to make eye contact, then read that, actually, people do not keep constant eye contact and that was something of an epiphany for me. So I started to look away for two seconds for every four sentences of a conversation. I know that if someone makes a joke, I am expected to laugh, whether I find it funny or not.” Stark told BBC.

For individuals who aren't on the autism spectrum, fitting in isn’t usually a conscious decision that has to be made. Mingling with others is a societal norm that appears to come naturally to most people. The nonchalant nature of human interaction can be seen as complicated and difficult to navigate for someone with autism. Fitting in is a task that takes a lot of effort, and it can be incredibly exhausting.

Stark told BBC, “It takes energy, thought, and even though you might appear to walk just like everyone else, it takes a lot more effort to appear normal. I would sometimes get home and have a meltdown because I was so tired of having to keep eye contact.“

Source: BBC

Stark’s diagnosis brought clarity to her personal identity. She realized that she was not alone, and that there was an entire community of people like her who were willing to offer their support. Stark is now learning to be more “authentically autistic and authentically Eloise” she told BBC, and that she is no longer afraid to stand out in social situations. She still feels the urge to fit in during job interviews, but for the most part, Stark has come out of her shell and is ready to live her truth! Stark is flourishing now more than ever, and is loving her newfound liberation. Keep thriving Eloise!